One of Four Looks

For the most part, my life here in the friendly town of Zionsville, Indiana is full of children. Children in my house, in the streets, at the parks, obviously at the schools, and just children plumb everywhere. Even as weird as I am, I actually feel kind of normal around all of this. That’s a whole other story. But when I cross that invisible geographical line things change real quick. Sometimes I honestly and selfishly forget that not everyone is (or would want to be) at the same stage of life that I am. Even a trip to Target takes me from a mom of four kiddos to a ring master of an unemployed circus. How do I know you might ask? Well, I get one of four reactions when I take my own children out of the house and into a public area. Clearly this is oversimplified and you can’t shove humankind into four categories but typically people fall into one of these four groups.

1. The Pity Party

This person cares but doesn’t know what to say. He or she doesn’t really get it but wants to try and help. At the end of the day sometimes people are super awkward and that’s just all there is to it.  At the sight of me struggling to keep it all together they sincerely feel sorry for me. Hey folks I’m actually okay, just attempting to parent! Out of uncomfortable silence or lack thereof they feel the need to say things like “wow you’ve got your hands full” or “I guess you are busy”. I am busy and my hands are full and well, thank goodness! I kind of love these rodeo clowns and I kind of love this gig. My dear friend got me a sign that says If you think my hands are full you should see my heart. I love that sign and I love that friend even more. 

2. The Reprimander 

This person is, how do I say it gently, mostly rigid and slightly terrifying. This person most likely thinks I am irresponsible for having four children and especially so for bringing my four children out of the house without help. He or she feels the need to correct my child or correct my parenting. This is the woman who gave me scornful stares and a partial grimace at the sight of my son’s underpants lingering around one of his ankles. I felt the look of death upon me but had no idea why until I saw my three year old ten steps behind me on the way to the gym struggling to get up the hill with the extra baggage around his feet. What this person doesn’t see was how wonderful this moment was. This was the first day he had gotten dressed by himself upon my request! So he missed a hole, so what! What makes him three is what makes this stage of life completely perfect. This is a sign, a mommy triumph, of my sweet little boy learning to become an independent man. It doesn’t happen overnight people! 

3. Look Away, look away!

This person cracks me up. This person quite frankly has stuff to do. He or she needs to get in and get out and no offense, doesn’t really have the time to get involved in my business. He or she walks by super fast and gives me an I’m terrified for you but good luck kind of look. This is my encourager! A reality check that what’s going on in the waiting area at the doctor’s office isn’t really that big of deal. In fact some people are not even phased by it and would rather finish trolling their Facebook feed before their name is called by the nurse than stare at my crazy. This is the twenty year old guy that is unsure of committing to his girlfriend or even his dinner selection that night and to him my life seems like an episode of the Jetsons. That’s right, I seem that far off. But in reality I smile on the inside and hope the days that lie ahead for him are filled with sweet love.

4. Old and adorable 

I love this person. This person looks at me with a longing that only love could have created. This person has either raised a plethora of children or was forced beyond his or her control to have fewer than his or her heart dreamed. This person has felt the intense reality of the preciousness of life in some way shape or form. This person is adored by so many people and it’s clear as to why. The temporary disruptions that a stranger’s child presents are no match for this person’s open and yearning heart. Bless the little old lady that looked at me in the grocery store checkout with my child in mid-tantrum and said to me while embracing his baby hand “isn’t he wonderful?” Why yes, yes he is, and thank you in that moment for reminding me so.

The truth is, I have fallen into each of these categories throughout my life and will continue to do so. I hope one day to be that little old lady that says the right thing at the right time but given my history I’ll most likely fall into the awkward category. Either way, no reaction or response is right or wrong, I just find it all interesting. This simple and lighthearted reflection is a good reminder for me on how powerful human interaction can be even in the simplest of forms like at the grocery store. At the end of the day you never know a person’s backstory (unless you are that lady on Long Island Medium) and treating everyone with dignity and respect can go a long way.