Jokes circa 1978

I think sifting through the hand written jokes in the blue vinyl notebook is far more appetizing than reading text on a computer screen. However, something is better than nothing. These jokes were written in a book that also contained the directions and mileage to Newark, Ohio. My mother was living there at the time and starting her new life and family. This would have been during the late 1970's.  I wonder if B.B. made any of these up or if she heard a really good joke at a groovy party and ran home and wrote it down. I guess humor is timeless.

- A woman driving a car for a few times stopped at two red lights. When she came to the next traffic light she did not stop. She said "If you've seen one, you've seen them all."

- Coach McGuire handed me a football. He said "I bet you can't pass this." I said to him "You're probably right. I don't believe I can even swallow it."

- What did the elephant say to the naked man? "My goodness! How do you breathe through that little thing?"

- A woman around 40 years old was discouraged. She couldn't save any money, she didn't have a man, and she couldn't drive. She decided to go to Texas. Perhaps there she could find what she wanted in life. In the bar she was talking to a stranger. She said "I want a man who has one million dollars, at least one oil well, a white Cadillac and a penis 10 inches long. A half drunk man at the other table said, "Lady, I couldn't help but overhear what you said. I want you to know I qualify for the first three things you want, but I'll be dammed if I'm going to cut off two inches for you!"

- A gray headed distinguished man began playing the piano in the hotel lounge. I glanced back at him quickly and started unbuttoning my blouse. I said "Golly, I'll see if I can turn him on just for fun!" In a few minutes, Cecile from Greenville said, "Bernice you gotta do better than that; he's blind!!"

- A preacher was standing behind a wobbly pulpit and was trying too much to make a good impression on the congregation. He was getting old and forgetful. He said "Behold, I come ... (but he forgot what came next)." Louder and pounding his fist on the pulpit, "Behold, I come!" (Still couldn't remember the rest.) Again he said even louder, "Behold, I come!!" When he did this the pulpit broke and he fell down right into the lap of an older woman. The preacher said "Lady I am so very sorry, are you hurt?" The old lady said, "Why it wasn't your fault. You warned me three times and I didn't move."

Dinner Conversation

There is dinner conversation and then there is cocktail conversation. Or in most cases, porch sitting sweet tea conversation. And when you engage in the latter, do feel free to explore your most mischievous of sides by releasing some taunting banter. It is all in good fun when you have stockings on and say it with a sweet smile. At least that is how I think my grandmother got away with it for some many years. These are my Dad's two favorites.  I am not sure what that says about him or the joke teller herself, but who really cares. 

What did the doe say when she came out of the forest?  I 'll never do that for two bucks again.

Baptists are like cats......you know they are doing something wrong but you cannot catch them.

Baptist vs Lutheran

This hand written joke is one of my favorites. We read this together out loud upon finding the black book it resides in. My Grandmother was a proud Lutheran and was never afraid to poke fun at herself and knew a good joke was just that, a joke. I am not sure who told her this or where she got it from, but it was a keeper in her mind. 

---

A certain Baptist preacher has been compelled to move so many times. His children were young so they adjusted quickly but as they got older adjusting became more difficult. The Baptist preacher and family moved to a new town, a new church. The children became so unhappy. They were irritable, fussy, and frumpy. Nothing pleased them.

One morning the preacher noticed a sign as he was going to the church office. The sign read "beautiful kittens for free." On the way back home the Baptist preacher had an idea when he saw free kittins. He said "I'll get the children a kitten. That will occupy their time and they will be happy again."

When he brought the kitten home the children were simply elated. But right soon the phone rang and the preacher had to leave immediately.

Being brought up in the Baptist faith the children decided the kitten must be baptized. They got a tub, filled it with water and grabbed a towel to dry it with. So they got the kitten and tried to immerse it in the tub but the kitten's hair began to bristled up, it scratched and clawed them.  Frustrated the oldest child said "ah heck, let's just splash some water on it like the Lutherans do and let it go to hell."