One of Four Looks

For the most part, my life here in the friendly town of Zionsville, Indiana is full of children. Children in my house, in the streets, at the parks, obviously at the schools, and just children plumb everywhere. Even as weird as I am, I actually feel kind of normal around all of this. That’s a whole other story. But when I cross that invisible geographical line things change real quick. Sometimes I honestly and selfishly forget that not everyone is (or would want to be) at the same stage of life that I am. Even a trip to Target takes me from a mom of four kiddos to a ring master of an unemployed circus. How do I know you might ask? Well, I get one of four reactions when I take my own children out of the house and into a public area. Clearly this is oversimplified and you can’t shove humankind into four categories but typically people fall into one of these four groups.

1. The Pity Party

This person cares but doesn’t know what to say. He or she doesn’t really get it but wants to try and help. At the end of the day sometimes people are super awkward and that’s just all there is to it.  At the sight of me struggling to keep it all together they sincerely feel sorry for me. Hey folks I’m actually okay, just attempting to parent! Out of uncomfortable silence or lack thereof they feel the need to say things like “wow you’ve got your hands full” or “I guess you are busy”. I am busy and my hands are full and well, thank goodness! I kind of love these rodeo clowns and I kind of love this gig. My dear friend got me a sign that says If you think my hands are full you should see my heart. I love that sign and I love that friend even more. 

2. The Reprimander 

This person is, how do I say it gently, mostly rigid and slightly terrifying. This person most likely thinks I am irresponsible for having four children and especially so for bringing my four children out of the house without help. He or she feels the need to correct my child or correct my parenting. This is the woman who gave me scornful stares and a partial grimace at the sight of my son’s underpants lingering around one of his ankles. I felt the look of death upon me but had no idea why until I saw my three year old ten steps behind me on the way to the gym struggling to get up the hill with the extra baggage around his feet. What this person doesn’t see was how wonderful this moment was. This was the first day he had gotten dressed by himself upon my request! So he missed a hole, so what! What makes him three is what makes this stage of life completely perfect. This is a sign, a mommy triumph, of my sweet little boy learning to become an independent man. It doesn’t happen overnight people! 

3. Look Away, look away!

This person cracks me up. This person quite frankly has stuff to do. He or she needs to get in and get out and no offense, doesn’t really have the time to get involved in my business. He or she walks by super fast and gives me an I’m terrified for you but good luck kind of look. This is my encourager! A reality check that what’s going on in the waiting area at the doctor’s office isn’t really that big of deal. In fact some people are not even phased by it and would rather finish trolling their Facebook feed before their name is called by the nurse than stare at my crazy. This is the twenty year old guy that is unsure of committing to his girlfriend or even his dinner selection that night and to him my life seems like an episode of the Jetsons. That’s right, I seem that far off. But in reality I smile on the inside and hope the days that lie ahead for him are filled with sweet love.

4. Old and adorable 

I love this person. This person looks at me with a longing that only love could have created. This person has either raised a plethora of children or was forced beyond his or her control to have fewer than his or her heart dreamed. This person has felt the intense reality of the preciousness of life in some way shape or form. This person is adored by so many people and it’s clear as to why. The temporary disruptions that a stranger’s child presents are no match for this person’s open and yearning heart. Bless the little old lady that looked at me in the grocery store checkout with my child in mid-tantrum and said to me while embracing his baby hand “isn’t he wonderful?” Why yes, yes he is, and thank you in that moment for reminding me so.

The truth is, I have fallen into each of these categories throughout my life and will continue to do so. I hope one day to be that little old lady that says the right thing at the right time but given my history I’ll most likely fall into the awkward category. Either way, no reaction or response is right or wrong, I just find it all interesting. This simple and lighthearted reflection is a good reminder for me on how powerful human interaction can be even in the simplest of forms like at the grocery store. At the end of the day you never know a person’s backstory (unless you are that lady on Long Island Medium) and treating everyone with dignity and respect can go a long way. 

Questions to Ask Kids at Christmas Instead of “What do you want?”

Most every mother can quickly recall an annoying question strangers asked her during her pregnancy. For many, the question that literally rubbed them the wrong way was “can I touch your belly?” With all four of my pregnancies, I only had one stranger ask me this and I said “absolutely” because I wanted at least one memory of this seemingly common occurrence. Truthfully, I wish I would have been asked that question more often because I found it liberating to spread the gift of life and energy to someone else through touch during the wonderment of pregnancy. I never had “that” annoying question when I was pregnant. However, since I became a parent, there is one question directed at my children every December that seems to get under my skin and that is “what do you want for Christmas?”

Countless adults, both strangers in the check out lane and those involved in our lives on a routine basis, make the choice of asking my kids what they want from Santa or what they want to get on Christmas day. The question alone is not a bad thing. I struggle with the message it implies when it is the first and most prominent question of the conversation. It also disappointingly limits a meaningful response.  Children have incredible minds and have so much more to offer than rattling off a list of advertised goods. What type of character are we encouraging when this is how we speak to our kids? As a community, we say we want our children to be respectful, think of others, give back, and work hard. As a parent, my goals for my children are similar but go much deeper than just accomplishing these expectations and dig into the core of his or her soul. Regardless of that, starting a conversation with “what do you want?” diverts the beautiful vision our children have about this most wonderful time of year and ultimately their thoughts about love.

So often we hear about this generation of kids who are entitled and self serving. They surely don’t get there on their own. I do not think one question alone can offset and entire course of parenting. However, it is one stone (intentionally or unintentionally) laid into the path we are paving. Do you truly want to hear about the stuff or do you want a glimpse into the pure mind of a child? My guess is most of us ask this question to learn more about the interest of the child and have good intentions but our approach is off course. In our house we shamefully have a play room full of things and some of those things are fun but they surely aren’t what brings our family joy. Beyond the cheer and excitement that Christmas brings (and yes the presents too!), the simple and natural treasures of the earth are what bring my children the greatest long term joy. No toy will fill what we have been given by a creator who so lovingly prepared this world for us. Christmas gift giving shouldn’t be viewed as a competition because we have already been given the ultimate gift that can never be given again. This type of thoughtfulness helps me prepare my heart for the busy and sometimes difficult holiday season. 

The reason I wanted to write about this topic is simple. It wasn’t the tenth stranger at Target asking my child what they wanted for Christmas but rather it was me asking this of a growing mind. I found myself asking the sweet and tender Tweens I car pool with every week what they wanted for Christmas. It was the first question I asked them when I picked them up after school. I didn’t have a lot to follow it up with. Both of the girls shrugged their shoulders and got back to giggling with my kids about the funny song that was on the stereo. Lesson learned. I was disappointed in myself and realized when people ask these questions to my kids their desire isn’t to send a beautifully sailing ship into a blustery storm but rather to connect to it and guide that ship into a safe direction. Maybe it would help those of us who are interested in developing meaningful conversations to have a few topic starters in our back pockets.  Here are a few questions I came up with with the help of my friends and family:

• What are you most excited for this Christmas season?

• Have you thought of any gifts you would like to give? If not, do you need help thinking of or getting something for someone else?

• Does your family have traditions that you look forward to participating in? 

• Tell me about something you made for someone else in the past and how it made that person feel.

• Is there someone in particular that you feel could use some extra love and prayer this holiday season? 

• What is your favorite food that you get only during Christmas? 

• How does it make you feel to see all the Holiday decorations around town? Which ones are your favorite? 

• Do you help your family decorate? How?

• Do you have a favorite Christmas song? How does that song make you feel? 

• What is one of your favorite memories about Christmas celebrations in the past?

• Who are you looking forward to spending time with during the holidays and why? 

• What does Christmas mean to you? 

• Do you know about the very first Christmas? 

I'm sure you could think of more questions to ask and maybe add your own spin. Please do and let me know how it goes! Since writing about this topic I have tried out a few of the conversation starters and have been touched by the sweet responses. The funny thing is I have never overheard a child asking another child what they wanted for Christmas. Kids simply have a different approach into building connections and I think in this case we could learn a lesson or two from them. I won’t be upset if you ask my child what he or she wants for Christmas and I hope you won’t be either if I do the same but let’s make an effort to dig a little deeper. I think most of these sentiments can be applied to other religious holidays that other groups celebrate as well. I hope to share love with all of you and meet you where you are at this cherished holiday season.

Setting Flight to the Dreams of Children

Most of us have at least one intensely special memory of excitement as a child. For some of us, it was a trip somewhere special or the arrival of a new sibling or pet. For my Grandmother, one of the most enchanting experiences she had as a child was her first flight. She told me more than once about this experience. In fact she told most everyone she knew about this story. I nodded and confirmed that the story was interesting but it wasn't until recently that I understood the utter outpour of thrill that she couldn't resist sharing with others. The famous and adventure packed life of Paul Redfern intersected with my grandmother's for a brief moment in time on the red sandy earth of Swansea, South Carolina in 1924. She was nine years old. She was right.

Newspaper clippings and web printout B.B. saved 

Bits from B.B.

Did I ever tell you about the story of my first airplane ride? Oh, Mama was not happy with me but I reckon it was one of the funnest days of my life. It's a wonder I have any sense at all being the youngest of four children, at least that's what they used to tell me. It was a hot summer day. I was at the pond with Jake and Ruby. All of a sudden we heard the roar of an airplane circle above us. The pilot went round and round Swansea and we knew who it was. It was Paul Redfern. I overheard Papa talking about him at dinner the other night. He was from Columbia, his family was quite well known in the social circles. Papa said he was flying to towns all over the state to raise money for his non-stop flight to South America. I just had to see what all of the fuss was about. We ran together and tried to follow him. Mr. Redfern flew low and we could see him waiving at us in his one motor plane. He finally landed in a cotton field nearby. By this time he had an audience. When he landed he jumped out of the plane and had such a way about him. He stood proud and was smiling ear to ear. Then he announced "Now which one of you kids would like to come and take a ride with me and experience what it is like to fly?" Everyone took a few steps back and it got pretty quiet. I knew this was my chance. I shouted "Me! I would like to go sir!" Mr. Redfern responded "Well alright there little lady jump in." Ruby and Jake gasped for air and hollered at me. They did not want me to do this and they knew Mama would have my hide. I scrambled to that plane before they could stop me and told him to fire up the engine. The minute I sat down Ruby and Jake ran back to the house to tell Mama what had happened. I held on to the metal sides of the plane as we were whisked up into the air. I was not sure I would survive this ride but it was absolutely thrilling! My stomach was full of butterflies as we climbed into the clouds.

Here I was, nine years old, flying in the sky. No one in that small town had been in an airplane until now. I was on top of the world. Mr. Redfern swooped and dove and glided over the town. He didn't know it but he flew that plane right over our home up on the hill near the pond. I saw Mama running out with a dishtowel in her hand headed for the cotton field. I don't know how long we were in the air but it felt like eternity. I had never seen the world from that view or felt wind on my face like I did that day. I think about that flight all the time. Thankfully Mama wasn't too upset with me she was just glad that we landed safely. After I jumped out I gave Mr. Redfern a big hug and thanked him for that first airplane ride. Then he told everyone he would give more rides for donations that he would use for his big upcoming flight. I think Bess ran home and got money and took a flight as well as Ed. That day was the talk of the town for some time. We read and listened to anything we could find out about Mr. Redfern's big flight. Even though they never found him we would daydream about all the possibilities. I can just see him with that smile taking on new adventure in South America.

Bits from Me

As I reflect about this story I immediately have multiple feelings to navigate. The first thing that strikes me is the freedom children had "back" then. My children would never have that type of opportunity now. Part of me is angry because I have a gypsy soul that needs to be fed and I feel for the technology bombarded children of our world who have an innate desire for exploration and adventure. While I never jumped on an airplane with a stranger I roamed creek beds by myself and rode my bike alongside of train tracks for miles. However, the responsible parent in me is glad that it would be virtually impossible for my child to jump on an airplane without me signing some form and waiving all rights. Today it is rare that any of our children will have an organic experience of chance and whimsy.  Our desire to protect and create ultimate safety in our lives comes with a consequence of squashing chance.

The other thing that fascinates me is how everyone in her world (friends, relatives, and neighbors) knew this story too. I have a file full of newspaper clippings. Each one given to my grandmother by a friend. Each one with special notes written on it with specific sentences underlined. There was a total of four news paper clippings and one web printout in this folder she wanted me to have. All of the newspaper clippings were from The State Magazine from the years 1969, 1982, and 2002. Everyone knew how important this story was to her and took interest in helping her put together the details of such a remarkable day in her life. It makes me wonder, what kinds of conversations do we have these days? I surely don't know my friends remarkable childhood stories and most of them don't know mine. Do we put to bed our special memories because we are so inundated with stories and articles and pictures that we simply have no room to store them long term? Are we providing opportunities for our children to have unique experiences or are we giving them so many it waters down the organic few? Something else that strikes me is the way in which she had to just wait for information to reach her. There was really no way to learn more about him so she had to wait until information was published in the local paper. Year after year I am sure she sifted through the The State Magazine looking for more information that ignited adventurous feelings inside her similar to a love song that brings you back to the first sweet days of falling in love.

But after all this, there is something more remarkable to me: we now have another story to the Paul Redfern tale. Each article summarizes a relatively similar story about his heritage in Columbia, South Carolina and his famous departing flight in 1927. The most common nicknames like "The Lost Pilot" and "Ill-fated Aviator" plague the headlines. However, what about all the touch downs? What about the other children he carried and flew? The passion that drove his adventurous spirit was ignited and cought like wildfire in the hearts of children across the state. My grandmother was one. What about Greenville? What about Prosperity? How many times did he do this? You see his legacy might be remembered in the headlines as the pilot who almost made it and that his brave passion to be the first pilot to fly from the US to South America came to a tragic end, but we might just have it all wrong. What if his true mark on the world was to give wings to the dreams of children who would suffer through the great depression? Children who watched their fathers and mothers lose everything but lay awake at night thinking of that flight. Thinking they could literally overcome their woes by soaring in the clouds. What if he gave freedom and escape to children in rural South Carolina, enough to carry them through to achieve extraordinary things relative to their life. I think reading the articles in the newspaper make him seem like a dreamer and in some cases a failure. One headline reads "He wanted to set a record - the world's first non-stop flight from North America to South America". He made aviation history, but not the way he wanted to: he disappeared. One might think of an irresponsible person that does outlandish things for attention or the fame of it all. But that's not what I think. I think he had a passion that ran deep in his blood. A passion that he couldn't possibly help contain. A love that could never be fulfilled with just one big flight but of the many that we will never even know about experiencing of him flying over those cotton fields. The hot summer sun warming the wings of his plane. The sound that paired with the smell of the sweet pines. He ignited dreams of children. An unknown legacy with eternal rewards.

Jokes circa 1978

I think sifting through the hand written jokes in the blue vinyl notebook is far more appetizing than reading text on a computer screen. However, something is better than nothing. These jokes were written in a book that also contained the directions and mileage to Newark, Ohio. My mother was living there at the time and starting her new life and family. This would have been during the late 1970's.  I wonder if B.B. made any of these up or if she heard a really good joke at a groovy party and ran home and wrote it down. I guess humor is timeless.

- A woman driving a car for a few times stopped at two red lights. When she came to the next traffic light she did not stop. She said "If you've seen one, you've seen them all."

- Coach McGuire handed me a football. He said "I bet you can't pass this." I said to him "You're probably right. I don't believe I can even swallow it."

- What did the elephant say to the naked man? "My goodness! How do you breathe through that little thing?"

- A woman around 40 years old was discouraged. She couldn't save any money, she didn't have a man, and she couldn't drive. She decided to go to Texas. Perhaps there she could find what she wanted in life. In the bar she was talking to a stranger. She said "I want a man who has one million dollars, at least one oil well, a white Cadillac and a penis 10 inches long. A half drunk man at the other table said, "Lady, I couldn't help but overhear what you said. I want you to know I qualify for the first three things you want, but I'll be dammed if I'm going to cut off two inches for you!"

- A gray headed distinguished man began playing the piano in the hotel lounge. I glanced back at him quickly and started unbuttoning my blouse. I said "Golly, I'll see if I can turn him on just for fun!" In a few minutes, Cecile from Greenville said, "Bernice you gotta do better than that; he's blind!!"

- A preacher was standing behind a wobbly pulpit and was trying too much to make a good impression on the congregation. He was getting old and forgetful. He said "Behold, I come ... (but he forgot what came next)." Louder and pounding his fist on the pulpit, "Behold, I come!" (Still couldn't remember the rest.) Again he said even louder, "Behold, I come!!" When he did this the pulpit broke and he fell down right into the lap of an older woman. The preacher said "Lady I am so very sorry, are you hurt?" The old lady said, "Why it wasn't your fault. You warned me three times and I didn't move."

Dinner Conversation

There is dinner conversation and then there is cocktail conversation. Or in most cases, porch sitting sweet tea conversation. And when you engage in the latter, do feel free to explore your most mischievous of sides by releasing some taunting banter. It is all in good fun when you have stockings on and say it with a sweet smile. At least that is how I think my grandmother got away with it for some many years. These are my Dad's two favorites.  I am not sure what that says about him or the joke teller herself, but who really cares. 

What did the doe say when she came out of the forest?  I 'll never do that for two bucks again.

Baptists are like cats......you know they are doing something wrong but you cannot catch them.

Christmas Snow Globes

A dear and beautiful friend of mine (who is also a vintage junkie but she's more like a vintage queen and I'm more of the junkie) inspired me to make some of my own snow globes/jars this Christmas. She displayed hers throughout her house so interestingly: on cake plates, shelves, food platters, and even on candle sticks. I loved the idea and set out to create some of my own. The hardest problem was time. You see, the looks I get when I bring one (let alone all three) of my children into an antique store is one of sheer disgust. No words are spoken yet all I hear is "You break it you buy it lady." I quickly send them a telepathic message communicating I get it, been there done that, I accept your rules of engagement, can I just get my shop on now please?!

The first project is a small plastic nativity scene that I placed into a large glass jar. I was looking for a jar with a screw on lid that I could glue shut and turn upside down, but I was not able to find one large enough to place the figure into. The glittery snow is a combination of epsom salt from Walgreens and snow glitter from the JoAnne's craft store. This simple yet charming display looked nice on my dining room table runner. I always laugh when I see snow and nativity because as we all know Bethlehem wasn't exactly a nostalgic winter wonderland. In fact, I should use sand next year... but how can I get it to sparkle?! Oh the dilemmas in life, right? For now, this will have to do. This nativity set was found by the vintage queen herself at a local garage sale. I have a parking angel I am sure of it. And I believe my friend has a vintage angel. That and wicked good style sense. I will let you know when she starts her blog and/or book, business, tv show, you get the point. 

My second project was to take figures I found in my Grandma's Christmas box and somehow display them in a snow globe. I found a vintage mayonnaise jar that was the perfect size. The three boys were actually used to place in flower arrangements. I had to remove the green garden stakes that were glued to the bottom of each figure. The boys were made in Japan and dated around the 1950s. Once I cleaned them up, I hot glued them to the lid of the jar. Then I placed the same snow glitter from the craft store into the bottom of the jar. After the boys were dried, I carefully screwed on the lid and turned the jar upside down. After this, I hot glued a small ribbon around the lid to add some decoration. I moved this display around my house a few times already this holiday season. I put the boys on a cake stand and placed chocolates and caramels all around the jar. What a lovely touch to an ordinary holiday treat!

Baptist vs Lutheran

This hand written joke is one of my favorites. We read this together out loud upon finding the black book it resides in. My Grandmother was a proud Lutheran and was never afraid to poke fun at herself and knew a good joke was just that, a joke. I am not sure who told her this or where she got it from, but it was a keeper in her mind. 

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A certain Baptist preacher has been compelled to move so many times. His children were young so they adjusted quickly but as they got older adjusting became more difficult. The Baptist preacher and family moved to a new town, a new church. The children became so unhappy. They were irritable, fussy, and frumpy. Nothing pleased them.

One morning the preacher noticed a sign as he was going to the church office. The sign read "beautiful kittens for free." On the way back home the Baptist preacher had an idea when he saw free kittins. He said "I'll get the children a kitten. That will occupy their time and they will be happy again."

When he brought the kitten home the children were simply elated. But right soon the phone rang and the preacher had to leave immediately.

Being brought up in the Baptist faith the children decided the kitten must be baptized. They got a tub, filled it with water and grabbed a towel to dry it with. So they got the kitten and tried to immerse it in the tub but the kitten's hair began to bristled up, it scratched and clawed them.  Frustrated the oldest child said "ah heck, let's just splash some water on it like the Lutherans do and let it go to hell."